Women Trusting Themselves in a World of Scrutiny
Building trust is fundamental to your effectiveness as a leader: trust within your team, trust among colleagues, and trust with your constituents. The often overlooked trust is with yourself. Your confidence as a leader requires you to trust your own decision-making. So why DON’T women trust themselves? Why do they silence that internal affirming voice and replace it with the one that says, “Maybe I’m wrong.”
Trusting yourself is knowing that:
your feelings are valid
your ideas are sound
your needs are justified
Women are frequently reminded they are not to be trusted. It is implied in messages we receive every day with the erosion of laws granting bodily autonomy, the necessity of the #metoo movement to believe victims, or the all-out lack of representation of women in elected office. This doesn’t even account for the interpersonal situations and individual circumstances women have experienced of gaslighting and discrimination.
When women become leaders, these messages are amplified. Everything women leaders do, as well as their identity, will be scrutinized. Studies show women are critiqued far more than men and in categories unrelated to their efficacy as leaders, such as race, physical appearance, marital status, and sexual orientation. Many women begin to internalize the exorbitant criticism and believe that every bit of it is warranted. These consistent and pervasive messages erode our confidence and cause us to question the validity of our ideas and the strength of our abilities. The external examples become the internal voice that tells us, “Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing.”
While I can’t halt the systems that cause unwarranted criticism to persist, I can support women leaders by confirming that:
Yes, you are being critiqued more than men. (it’s not your imagination)
No, that doesn’t mean you’re unqualified or incapable.
Yes, you can trust that your feelings, ideas, and needs are warranted.
Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you are always right. It doesn’t mean you’re blind to input or feedback. It means you have self-awareness and self-confidence. You can take criticism seriously, not personally. You can begin to discern between constructive and destructive criticism. You can change your mind when you receive new information. You can fail, learn from it, and try again. The next time someone says to you, “Are you sure?” and you feel the twinge of self-doubt, trust yourself. Trust the inner knowing and voice and feel the confidence begin to grow within you.
Rebecca Malotke-Meslin is the founder of Pleasantly Aggressive Coaching & Consulting, where she helps women working in independent schools and non-profit organizations to lead more confidently, authentically, and unapologetically. Rebecca combines a background in social research with 20 years of sales, marketing, communications, and school leadership to create an in-depth and engaging experience for her clients. Rebecca is also the co-host of the Confidently You: Women in Leadership Podcast.
