Don’t Hide Your Joy
Today, I awoke to feelings of gratitude. Wrapped in a warm blanket and drinking coffee, I decided to begin my day reflecting on all the things I love in my life. I tried to think about small things: Listening to my favorite music, watching TV with my children, a kiss from my husband, looking at my favorite book and admiring the artwork on the cover, stopping by the middle eastern market and being greeted by the owner, taking a walk with a friend, watching my boys play baseball, playing cards with my mom, getting a card from my sister, phone calls from my dad, my brother’s laugh, buying myself flowers at the grocery store, watching my favorite movie, snuggling with my dog.
I can easily make this list due to the long list of privileges from which I benefit. I live a life free from the threat of physical harm, food insecurity, homelessness, medical needs, etc. I am a non-disabled, white, heterosexual, middle-class woman. However, my choice of “small” moments was intentional. Our society, spurred on by social media, gives a false expectation that joyful moments are inherently audacious, expensive, and photograph-worthy. When my children share their gratitudes, it serves as a reminder of the privileges we enjoy, from food and loving parents to skateboarding and video games.
Choosing small or brief moments of joy allows us to quickly deconstruct their makeup since the feeling of joy can seem hard to capture or explain. Last year, I decided to find more clarity. I wanted to learn more about how I could move forward in my life with purpose. I spent time with career coach, Sara Kirby. She led me through an exercise intended to help me find the times when I was in “flow.” Not specific to work, this exercise was enlightening. When I thought critically about my joy, I realized that I found patterns in my daily activities when I was at my best.
What is the context of these moments? Where was I? Who was I with? What exactly was I doing? Not to question their validity, but rather to reflect and remember to foster more of them. To be intentional about creating more moments of joy.
Shawn Anchor’s Happiness Advantage explains how focusing on happiness - seeking out the good - can rewire our brains. I took it to heart. I began a habit of asking my children to list three things they’re grateful for each night before bed. At first, we’d walk through their day to search for the moments or people who made them happy. But after a week, they began reminding ME about the new routine. Their ability to seek out the good in their day became easier, and their answers more complex. They are eager to talk about their joy.
What if I also encouraged others around me to focus on their joy? What if, when engaged in conversation with friends, family, colleagues, I asked them, “what brings you joy?” The results benefit me as much as the other person. It creates a healthy connection based on positivity, and it also might inspire others to find their joy.
