Beauty on the Outside
I see beauty everywhere. If you’re intentional, you will too. I’m not referring to nature. Birds, leaves, and snowflakes are easy targets. I’m talking about people. The strangers at the grocery store. The child in your son’s class. The woman on the evening news. I see long eyelashes, sturdy calves, round cheeks, natural curls, man buns, tattoos, long beards, shaved heads, and more. I look at a person and see all the individual physical features that make them their unique self. Different from everyone else on earth. It’s magical and beautiful.
I recently saw a photo on Instagram that gave me pause. A woman was displaying her scars after a double mastectomy. The caption was something like, “Beauty is on the inside!” It was asking us to remember: what matters is on the INSIDE. You’re heart, your smarts, your integrity, your honesty. But, why do we deny ourselves the opportunity to find beauty on the OUTSIDE? What if we saw the scars as beautiful? What if we said the scars MAKE her beautiful, rather than saying she is beautiful, DESPITE the scars. A simple reframing, but an important one.
The intention is noble. We want people to look beyond the physical appearances and see the quality of our character that lies within. Instead, we live in a snap judgment world full of biases and fast first impressions. We learn to categorize people and make assumptions about them based physical characteristics. It’s not just problematic, it’s deadly.
Beyond stereotypes and assumptions, we are socialized to find a specific beauty standard appealing. Driven by media, advertising, and movies, the standard changes over time, but is always rooted in economics, and deeply tied to racism, sexism, ageism, and ableism. We are being sold how to look by invoking fear and disgust in anything other than the standard. Most of us want to believe we are drawn to something because it is part of our genetics or some sort of instinct. Your love of Uggs, highlights, men with beards, and beanies with pom-poms is not something your brain conjured up on its own. I’m not judging you. I love these things too, but understanding WHY you love them allows you to make conscious choices.
Now think about something you’ve been taught to believe is ugly, gross, or unattractive. I’m going to use the example of body weight to articulate this point. We are constantly reminded that fat people are disgusting. They are lazy, they shouldn’t bare their skin, and they are unworthy of love and adoration. Have you asked yourself why that is? Who benefits from YOU thinking that fat equals ugly? Have you wondered that maybe, just maybe, we’re told these things to support billion-dollar industries of fashion magazines, advertising, weight loss products, plastic surgery, and beauty products? Stay with me here. Imagine if we lived in a world where magazines and media reflected the diversity of the human race - size, shape, and color. If we received constant messages that said, “you’re fine just as you are.” If people didn’t judge, bully, and criticize each other for how much they weigh. I would like to live in that world. A world where anorexia and bulimia don’t exist and women aren’t dying to be skinny.
If you’re not afraid of being fat, if you’re comfortable just as you are, you won’t feel the need to change yourself. It’s the “change” we’re being sold. We spend money on products and procedures to “fix” ourselves. But what if we don’t need to be fixed? What if we start by thinking deeply about how we form opinions of ourselves and others. About who told us that fat is ugly. About our insecurities. About our false narratives.
There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup or getting highlights, or following the latest fashion trends. I love playing with makeup and coloring my hair. It is a fun way to express myself. But without those things, I am still me. I am still beautiful. But I need to remind myself of this continuously. So, I’m encouraging you to look inward, reflect, and to ask yourself:
What is beauty?
Who has defined it for me?
If I don’t think I am beautiful just as I am, why?
Who has told me otherwise?
Now, look outward. The next time you’re watching television or out-and-about, and you see someone you find unattractive or ugly or strange (Don’t lie, I know you do it, we are socialized to behave this way.) Ask yourself, “What is it about that person that makes me feel this way?” Dig deep. It is an uncomfortable question. But, as Gloria Steinem said, “The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off.”
